Make Colleagues Like You

Forming meaningful relationships can feel like an uphill battle in our increasingly digital and transactional world. Conventional wisdom might suggest that offering help or doing favors is the fastest route to someone’s heart. Help them so they will like you. But what if there was a more counterintuitive way to foster connections—one that relies on asking for help instead of giving it?

Let’s discuss the Ben Franklin Effect — a psychological phenomenon that flips the script on how we think about relationships.

The Concept: What Is the Ben Franklin Effect?

Named after the iconic American polymath, the Ben Franklin Effect is rooted in an anecdote from Franklin’s autobiography. Faced with the challenge of winning over a political rival, Franklin asked the individual for a small favor: the loan of a rare book. The rival agreed, and afterward, their relationship became one of mutual respect and friendship.

The psychology behind this is surprisingly simple. When someone does a favor for you, their brain rationalizes the action by thinking, I must like this person; otherwise, why would I help them? This cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort of conflicting beliefs and actions—leads them to align their feelings with their behavior. The result? They like you more because they’ve invested in you.

How to Use the Ben Franklin Effect

Harnessing the Ben Franklin Effect can be a powerful tool in both professional and personal settings. Here’s how to strategically apply it:

1. Ask for Advice

Seeking someone’s advice is one of the easiest and most effective ways to trigger the Ben Franklin Effect. Asking for guidance shows respect for their expertise and creates a sense of collaboration. For example:

Professional Development:

• Ask industry experts for career advice

• Request feedback on projects from senior colleagues

• Seek book recommendations from mentors

Business Relationships:

• Ask clients for input on new product features

• Request vendor perspectives on market trends

• Seek partnership advice from potential collaborators

Personal Growth:

• Ask for recommendations on skill development

• Seek guidance on personal projects

• Request feedback on communication style

2. Request Small Favors

3. Foster Team Trust

In leadership and team settings, asking for input or feedback from your team members can create a sense of trust and shared ownership. When people feel their contributions are valued, they become more invested in the relationship.

4. Create Opportunities for Reciprocity

While it’s important not to overuse this effect, creating moments where others can help you naturally build rapport. Follow up with gratitude and openness to sustain the connection.

Action Item: Put It Into Practice

This week, identify one person you’d like to build a stronger connection with. Think of a small favor you could ask of them. It could be as simple as, “Can you recommend a book on [topic]?” or “Could I get your quick input on this idea?” Observe how their willingness to help impacts your relationship.